


an ode to a loved one: by jeremiah heere

by eli_beeli



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: ALSO!!!!!, Fluff, M/M, Poetry, Prose Poem, SO much pining Jer, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, but anyways, enjoy!!!!!!!, i wrote this bc i was feelin very very sappy!!!!!!!!!!, its a bit convuluted and not spaced often but thats on purpose i swear, pining Jeremy, so it is all warm and sap!!!!!!, thats literally the whole poem, this is just all soft feelings and metaphors and warm and fuzzy feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 22:01:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12198234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eli_beeli/pseuds/eli_beeli
Summary: Jeremy has to write an ode with strong imagery for the English class he shares with Michael. He may or may not have gone a bit overboard with the assignment. Just a bit. But he's okay with reading it aloud to the Squip Squad. They would support it. He only hopes he won't get a punch in the face from Michael.





	an ode to a loved one: by jeremiah heere

**Author's Note:**

> !!!!!!!!! i!!!!!!!! am so happy with this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it came out very soft and good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> anyways!!!! i hope you guys enjoy my poetry!!!!!

My sense of self can sometimes be flawed or blurred, but how i love you helps me be better, because your kindness and care always reminds me that though i may not care for myself, others surely will. you make me feel whole in ways my broken self had never believed i could; your presence bathes me in moonlight; soft, ethereal, and encapsulating. In no world can i conceive being without you; you make my heart beat, my breath soar, my eyes clear, and my soul still, like a tranquil lake in a forest long forgotten by humanity, the kind with clear waters, tall, lush grasses, and deer drinking the crisp drink. Caught up in a feeling of helplessness in an ocean so vast i can hardly breathe in, but the drowning feels welcoming and warm, as though you were hugging me tight, the kind of embrace that steals some of the air from my lungs whiles making me feel more at home than i often do alone. sometimes, i wish i could breathe life into you as you often do for me, when the other kind of drowning is getting too cold and lonely. How i think of you constantly will surely be my downfall; the way i pray for your touch and wish for your eyes and beg for your attention. surely, you’ll notice soon, or if not you, others will and make my heart lead with guilt and regret and sorrow for all the things i never said, never did, never could. i yearn for your presence no matter where we are, what we are doing, and i feel that distracted nature of mine could lead to a horrid accident. i can only pray it does not. Anytime i see you, the world grows brighter, as though simply your presence lifts the grey veil hanging low over my eyes that had been held there by my own insecurities and fears. you relieve me of that burden, even if only for moments. i live for those moments; you make me feel more alive than i had ever known i could feel. Every time you thread your fingers through my hair i am reminded of why i never wear hats, not even for my faith. i worship you more than any god or force beyond human comprehension. you are my sun, my moon, my earth, my sea, my sky, and your presence, oh your presence leaves my knees weak, sets my heart aflutter, makes my stomach twist- but in a good way, so, so different from the way it twists in fear all too often. you leave me breathless, and i live for that adrenaline rush, as much as i hate roller coasters, the one my stomach and soul ride on when i see you is so exhilarating, i find myself praying for the next time i see you. Love, so they say, makes one blind, but gods, you have only opened my eyes and left me with more vision than should be possible with mortal eyes; i see more colors than ever before when you are near, i see flickering shapes that fill me with a slight chill, enough an excuse to grab your hand and intertwine our fingers, even if only for a moment. i live for loving you, and all the life this loving brings me only makes me seek you out more, makes me pray for the next moment in which we meet. i can only hope you might feel this for someone too.

I find myself cold on the nights we are separated, or the ones where you won’t touch me. i know why, but the bone-chilling feeling remains nonetheless, and reminds me that the cold reaches of space and the moon are cold places for mortals to stay. your god-like, celestial presence is more than a mortal like i could ever hope for, and i live for the moments you grant it to me anyways.

Little feelings compounded on one another until i became as lost as i am for you, but i do not regret a single thing, a single action, a single word, or a single conversation that lead me to this point. if loving you meant my own demise, as i fear it might now, i would still love you, love you more than these words can convey, love you like humans loved prometheus who brought them life in the form of fire, love you like ouranos loved gaia, love you so, so, so much. Over time, i had once thought my affections would lessen, that this was simply a cruel, brief feeling that would soon leave and find me content once again, but oh, gods, was i wrong, and i am so, so happy i was. i live for every moment i have fallen further in love with you, no matter how much i may sometimes say i regret it, and feel sorrow for feelings i am sometimes convinced are unrequited, but i will not be an echo to a narcissus, though you are anything but narcissus were we truly only players in a greek tragedy. i can only pray you understand for whom i’m writing this when i read it, for we can both be so, so stupid in understanding our own emotions. i can only pray you do not leave me to freeze in the unrelenting cold of space after this, even though i know you would never. sometimes, our minds like to lie to us. it is best we ignore our minds sometimes. Vivid is how i can best call you, because even as i read this, i know i will see in all the colors ever made by any gods, i know i will feel calm and whole despite spilling out my soul in starry ink to people i once feared judgement from above all else, because you give me courage and strength, tranquility and warmth inside my chest when before all i felt was numb cold. you are my sun, my moon, my everything, and i love you, i love you, i love you. Everything in my life that had been cold and lifeless, unknown and terrifying, feels as little and calming as the rain on bare skin when you hold me in your arms, as you always do when i shiver or sob or bite my lip hard enough you can see it. you care for me, so much, and even if my feelings are too much, or unrequited, i know you will still hold me in your arms, safe and warm, when i need, as i will you when your shoulders tense and rise too high, when i can hear your music playing too loud in your headphones, the music you only play on bad days when it’s all too much, when your jaw tenses and untenses every second as you bite on your tongue, hoping i won’t see. i’ll always see, when it pertains to you. you are my heart beating gently in my chest, and I always did hear my own pulse well after running to your side to match your stride.

Your voice grounds me while sending me flying. your hands remind me how much lotion makes a difference in how soft skin can be and how pencils leave little calluses on fingers when you press too hard too often trying to write too long essays in too little time, drawing and then erasing the same music notes over and over again to try and make the melodies that fly through the air for you fall onto a little page so others can see even a part of what you do every single second of your waking life. Only you remind me of the taste of happy mornings waking up in your arms when it got too cold in the middle of the night and we got tangled in each other, my right arm numb and a crunchy feeling on my neck where you rested your head and drooled some in your sleep, something i’ve always found endearing if not a little gross, and i’ve never felt so happy and clean despite my shirt clinging to my skin after clinging to a human heater for 12 hours straight and the dried drool on my neck. to have all of you to myself like that on a saturday when i can simply curl back around you and relish in our closeness for a while without a wish for anything sexual or lewd, just you, holding me tight for another 5 hours straight until your mother wakes us with the smell of spices and cooking meat wafting through the house, her silent call to dinner. Unending is my love for you, oh gods, it is sometimes all consuming, searing me from the inside out with painful, intense emotion that leaves me gasping for air, praying for just a moment that i didn’t love you like this, the prayers i always regret afterwards, and the pain that leaves me reeling and shaking. but despite those times and the pulsating regret that fills my blood afterwards, i still love you. i love you so, so much, gods have i said that a lot, but it means the same every time i say it. i love you, i love you, i love you, no matter what, even if it hurts and burns and makes my vision swim because your smile- gods your smile always reminds me why people map the stars and create beautiful shapes with them, your laugh too, and your eyes, gods i could look into them for decades and still see beauty and new speckles of honeyed brown. all of it- it reminds me why everytime i think of summer, i think of honeysuckle bushes and tanned skin and childish laughter and soft lips on my cheek and warm faces and sunburns and you. always you. you are everything to me.

i love you.

**Author's Note:**

> <3 <3 <3 <3 <3  
> i hope you guys enjoyed my convoluted poetry!!!!!! i has so much fun writing it vhdsbnj  
> (hint: the capital letters spell something ;0c)
> 
>  
> 
> i live for comments and kudos!!!!!
> 
> if u wanna yell headcanons or general love at me, find me at [my tumblr](https://eli-the-aro.tumblr.com/)!!!!!


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